i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
