you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
