Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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