Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
