She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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