I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
