Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
