dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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