This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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