I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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