Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
