WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
