the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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