No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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