U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
