is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
