two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bring money and cleavage
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
