What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
