I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize