I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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