Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize