I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
