So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
