bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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