Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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