Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
