so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize