used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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