I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
