You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
