Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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