Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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