OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
