I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize