It's Friday. Sex?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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