and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
