Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
