we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
