Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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