no, he came in my armpit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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