No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
