Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
