Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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