Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
