She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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