Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
