hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
