A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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