What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
