your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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