What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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