I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
