Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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