So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
