Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
