ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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