I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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