I will die if light touches me.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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