we made out on top of his cat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
