Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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