I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
