just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
