you guys were way drunker than both of me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize