pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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