remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
