Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
