exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just high enough for therapy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
