Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
