highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
