ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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