He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
