I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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