now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize