There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
