Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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