We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
