with your own penis?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
