Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
