Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
