Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
